July 2010
9 posts
So there.
Boss: You’ve got, like, something in your teeth. It’s pretty gross.
Me: You’ve got, like, something all over your face. It’s pretty stupid
Bigger than the Internet
Boss: Don’t punish me for being pedantic or I won’t explain these things and sometimes you won’t know what they mean.
Me: Well I’ll just Google it then. It’s not like all the information in the world stops with you.
Boss: I AM BIGGER THAN THE INTERNET.
HOLDUP.
Boss: You know, I’m not good at a great many things but I am good at being a Dad.
Me: That’s cute.
Boss: You’ll understand one day. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
Me: Uh, what?
Boss: What, not there yet?
Me: Boss, I’m only going to be…
Boss: Right, right. You’re 12, I’m ancient, forget it.
Cowl
From: Boss To: Me Sent: Sun 7/18/2010 2:52 PM Subject: To be worn whenever my name is spoken
I mean, clearly.
From: Me To: Boss Subject: I’ll be in by 8:30
My alarm clocks are on strike this morning
From: Boss: To: Me Subject: Re: I’ll be in by 8:30
The security guys and I will miss you until you get in.
From: Me To: Boss Subject: Re: Re: I’ll be in by 8:30
Well, duh.
B.O.
Me: Yeah, I guess I’m not as murderous as I was last week.
Boss: Yeah, you were stinky.
Me: What?
Boss: Stinky.
Me: I SMELLED?? & you didn’t tell me??
Boss: You didn’t smell! You were cranky.
Me: BRO. Those are totally different things.
Let Me Downgrade You
Me: I’m ordering mexican food - do you want anything?
Boss: Do you have a menu up?
Me: Sure do
Boss: How big do you think the tacos are? How many do you think I could eat?
Me: Listen, this is assistant food. The tacos are a DOLLAR. You could probably eat 4-5 of them. This isn’t the Ritz Carlton, this isn’t that bougie rich people food you’re used to.
Boss: Fine, can...
Sent in from Port Chester:
My boss just told me about his altercation with 2 old women & the Port Chester police department…
He had been getting from the local Dunkin Donuts & parked in a handicap spot. When he was walking out to his car an elderly man in a motorized wheelchair was circling around the back of my boss’ car, cursing. He didn’t think much of it and got into his car.
Cue the two older...
Boss Angry, Boss Smash!
From: Boss Sent: Thursday, July 01, 2010 3:59 PM To: Me Subject: May miss plane
Have to wait for QA so I can smack the current speaker. Stand by.